Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
