they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
