the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
