Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
