That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
