I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
