Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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