I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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