No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
