You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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