I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
