I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
