I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
