You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
