She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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