my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
