Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
