Porn is love you can see.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
pray to the hookup gods
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
