We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
