Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize