1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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