it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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