I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
