I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I cannot find my penis.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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