I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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