You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
dude. I can hear the air.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
