If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
