I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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