i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So squirting runs in the family.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
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