pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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