So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
