hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
