Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Don't make out with my wife yet
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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