she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
