Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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