Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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