Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
vagina is talking i cant
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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