this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
