im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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