come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
