my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
love makes seman taste better
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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