I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Say something about gay babies.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
