youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
