apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
