My nipple is on Facebook.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
