She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
