i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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