remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
