I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
