When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
They took my balls.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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