You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
