So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
