so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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