Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
